What Is Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviors used by one person within an intimate or family relationship to gain or maintain power and control over another, through physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, economic, technological, or controlling actions or threats.

At its core, domestic abuse is about control. Understanding the definition of coercive control is the first step in awareness education provided by The Alliance, followed by definitions of both physical and non-physical forms of abuse.

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Coercive Control

Coercive control is not a single incident but a sustained course of conduct designed to gain and maintain power over another person over time. It typically involves psychological, emotional, and economic tactics (and sometimes physical or sexual abuse) that isolate the victim, make them dependent, and regulate their everyday life. Statutory and policy guidance often define it as “an intentional pattern of behaviour which takes place over time, in order for one individual to exert power, control or coercion over another.”

Forms of Non-Physical Domestic Abuse

Non-physical domestic abuse includes any pattern of controlling, degrading, or harmful behavior that does not rely on hitting or other physical force, but still frightens, undermines, or limits a partner’s freedom.

  • Emotional abuse – belittling, name-calling, constant criticism, humiliation, shaming, or withdrawing affection to punish or control.
  • Psychological abuse – gaslighting, mind games, making someone doubt their reality or sanity, using threats, intimidation, and stalking or monitoring to create fear.
  • Verbal abuse – yelling, swearing, insults, put-downs, sarcastic mockery, and ongoing negative comments aimed at breaking down confidence.
  • Coercive control – a course of controlling behaviors (isolation, surveillance, rules, deprivation, financial control) that systematically restricts a person’s liberty and autonomy.
  • Financial/economic abuse – controlling access to money, preventing or sabotaging employment, using a partner’s earnings, forcing debts, or giving only a small “allowance.”
  • Social abuse/isolation – cutting off or limiting contact with friends, family, coworkers, faith community, or online networks; damaging reputation or publicly embarrassing the victim.
  • Sexual coercion (non-physical force) – pressuring, manipulating, or guilting someone into sex or sexual acts they do not want; using sex or affection as reward/punishment or to control decisions (including around contraception or pregnancy).
  • Spiritual or religious abuse – misusing religious beliefs or practices to demand obedience, justify control, shame the victim, or control participation in spiritual communities.
  • Threats and intimidation – threatening harm to the victim, children, pets, or self; destroying property; using looks, gestures, or behavior that keeps the victim in fear.
  • Manipulation of dependency – deliberately undermining confidence, independence, or access to resources so the victim feels unable to cope or survive without the abuser.
  • Abuse through children (including parental alienation) – turning children against the other parent, using them as messengers or leverage, or undermining the victim’s relationship with the children.

Physical Abuse

Physical domestic abuse refers to any use of physical force or actions that cause, or are intended to cause, pain, injury, fear, or bodily harm to a partner or family member.

Common forms of physical domestic abuse
  • Hitting, slapping, and punching – striking the victim with hands or fists, including blows to the face, head, torso, or limbs.
  • Kicking and stomping – using feet to kick, stomp, or trample the victim, sometimes when they are already on the ground.
  • Pushing, shoving, and dragging – forcibly moving the victim, including pushing them into walls or furniture, dragging them by the arms or clothing, or knocking them down.
  • Grabbing, twisting, and restraining – grabbing arms, wrists, fingers, clothing, or hair; bending or twisting limbs; holding the victim down or pinning them in place against their will.
  • Hair pulling – yanking, pulling, or dragging the victim by their hair to cause pain or exert control.
  • Choking/strangulation and suffocation – putting hands, arms, or objects around the neck, pressing on the throat, or restricting breathing; a high-risk, potentially lethal form of abuse even if no obvious marks remain.
  • Burning – using cigarettes, lighters, hot liquids, or other heat sources to burn the victim’s skin.
  • Biting and pinching – using teeth or fingers to inflict pain, bruising, or injury.
  • Throwing objects at the victim – hurling household items, furniture, or other objects to hit or scare the victim.
  • Assault with weapons – using or threatening to use knives, guns, blunt objects, or other weapons to injure, terrorize, or control.
  • Imprisonment and physical confinement – locking the victim in a room, house, basement, or car; blocking exits; preventing them from leaving or seeking help.
  • Forced physical endangerment – abandoning the victim in dangerous places, forcing a car off the road, driving at unsafe speeds to frighten them, or pushing them down stairs.
  • Deprivation of basic needs after assault – preventing sleep, food, or medical care, especially when injuries have been inflicted.
  • Physical abuse during pregnancy – targeting the abdomen, breasts, or body during pregnancy, which can endanger both the pregnant person and the fetus.
  • Animal cruelty as a physical tactic – harming or killing pets or animals to control, punish, or terrorize the victim.
  • Life-threatening violence – severe assaults that cause broken bones, internal injuries, disfigurement, disability, or, at the extreme, attempted murder or murder.

A note about firearms in the home.

The presence of a gun in domestic violence situations increases the risk of homicide for women by 500%. More than half of women killed by gun violence are killed by family members or intimate partners.

This Is Already Happening in Your Workplace

Domestic abuse doesn’t stay at home. It walks through your front door every morning, sits at desks, misses deadlines, and quietly costs organizations more than most leaders realize. It affects 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men, which means it is already present in every organization.

The data is clear:

  • 83% of domestic abuse survivors report that the abuse directly impacted their ability to do their job.
  • 53% of survivors report losing at least one job because of the violence.
  • 50% of victims missed one or more days of work as a direct result of abuse.
  • 27% of all workplace violence incidents are related to domestic abuse.

The primary barrier keeping survivors in abusive relationships isn’t willpower—it’s financial insecurity. Nearly 3 in 4 survivors remain in abusive situations because they cannot afford to leave. Keeping a job (and keeping it safe!) can be the single most critical factor in a victim’s path to freedom. It could mean the difference in life or death.

Employers who act don’t just improve their workplace culture. They become the turning point in someone’s story.

Join the Alliance and Take Action